2nd Devo- you're all special and I am so thankful for all of you

I got a special phone call to be here by Joel Tooley (a Youth in Mission rep) and Scott Armstrong. They called me because I am special, because I have a gift no one else can offer, even though I don’t speak much Spanish and even maybe have been frustrated since I’ve been here. I am special.

You’re all special. God called all of you to be in this moment and in the times ahead for a reason. Each and everyone of you in special.

He has called us all here to be the hands and feet of Him where ever we are needed. It’s not by our works, it’s by Christ.

Ephesians 2:8-9 says, “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast.”       

Right now you’re meant to be in this room in Puebla, tomorrow its where ever you’re going to be. Being the hands and feet of Him, He is using you. For me, even if I am frustrated sometimes I have to remember that this is in His plan for me. He prepared this place and time of ministry for me before I even knew Scott was going to call me. You’re all special and I am so thankful and blessed we can all unite and be the hands and feet together.

My prayer for all of us together and apart lies in Ephesians 4:1-6, “As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to one hope when you were called— one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.”      

Blessings to all!                                                                                                                

I wrote this for a mission conference (I am serving in Mexico for the summer):

Hello my name is Kaitlin Park. I’m from Portland Oregon in The United States of America. I want to start off by sharing with all of you about how I got to be in Mexico in the month of June, just a glimpse/peak of how my relationship with God is growing and what I had to do to get here.

I was so set on serving here in Mexico this summer and I thought it was exactly what God wanted me to do. I was so heart broken when I found out that I couldn’t go to Mexico because bad several things happened with my family and I didn’t have enough money to go for the summer. I have always felt a strong call to Latin America and my heart hurt because I couldn’t go and then I got really mad and angry and sad about not being able to do what I really felt God calling for my life. I wanted to go right then. At the time, I was and have been continuing to study John 15.

Read John 15:1-8

I really just needed to give Him the anger and sadness of not going to Mexico and prune the branches that were not bearing fruit in my life, because I wasn’t growing in God holding onto this frustration. And I finally let go and God gave me an unexplainable Christ like peace about not going to Mexico. I think maybe because I begun to demand to go and do things on my time, God had to remind me that sometimes you need to wait for His timing. I had a wonderful peace about not going to Mexico. Also, I had applied to work at a Christian Bible camp for the summer and didn’t think I was going to get hired and was upset about that too, but when I let it go God gave me peace about that too.

 

2 days later I got a call from Youth in Mission and Scott Armstrong telling me they needed me to be in Mexico for the summer and they would pay my way. I was shocked. At first I thought, WOW! THIS IS WHAT I’M GOING TO DO THIS SUMMER! But I wasn’t very sure and told them I need to pray about it and tell them the next morning. Then an hour later, I got a phone call from the Bible Camp asking me if I still wanted the summer job! I was so surprised. God was blessing me with something I DID NOT deserve. I didn’t understand but yet I was so thankful for what He was doing. At the same time, I still had a peace if I were to not go to either places and stay home for the summer. I prayed about it so much and I felt God saying to me that I should make the decision myself. Because I had given my entire self, all of my frustrations and struggles over to Him, He was telling me that any decision I made would be of Him and He would reign over me in everything I did. That He would be where ever I went, whether that be serving Bible Camp, in Mexico, serving at home in my church.

My friend Steve asked me the perfect question, where I was needed most? Hands down I knew it was Mexico. I knew that Scott Armstrong and Youth in Mission wouldn’t have called if didn’t absolutely need me. I realized that the attitude of my heart had changed from last summer serving in Youth in Mission in Guatemala to this summer. I realized I am more focused on having a servant’s heart this summer and not on how I can benefit and grow in my relationship with God. I continue to focus on this Philippians 2:1-18. I go where He calls and where I am needed. I am still being challenged and stretched in ways I would never have expected while being here and growing in my faith in wonderful ways but I’m so thankful that God has given me this summer. This time to serve Him, His people, to be His love. 

Cry of the heart

The cry of my heart is to be the hands and feet of Christ where ever and whenever possible. 

I've never felt my heart break this much within the confines of Christ. 

Almost a year ago, I followed a call God had given for my life. I went on a trip to Central America and lived for the summer, doing mission work, learning, living with God's people and being the hands and feet of Christ (especially for those that couldn't actually transport themselves down there). 

When I got back to the United States in the fall I missed my home, my home in Central America. Where part of my heart will always lie. I never wanted to leave the beautiful country and stop doing such in depth work with God and His so friendly people. So I made a deal with God -well more like, I knew what He wanted for me and I just needed to wait and have patience- to wait for a while before I went on another mission and work on my degree. Even though I so strongly desired to go on missions and be home.  

About 4 months ago I went to Mexico and followed the cry of my heart and my purpose in life. I again never wanted to leave because I could feel Christ so strongly calling me to that part of the country and to His people there. But I knew I would be back again, actually a little less than 5 months from that date in December. So I was at a peace because I knew I would be home again.

This is how I feel when I am living the cry of my heart and where I am suppose to be: 

Instead, they were longing for a better country—a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them.

Hebrews 11:16 

I feel the most at home. 

My heart is breaking, because of this swine flu. Not just because I'm not able to be there, but because I know I can't be there. My friends and my family, my heavenly country is in trouble and I can't help. I have to just pray. It's not that I haven't given it all to God and put it in His hands. I have. 

I have never felt such a strong call upon my heart from the Lord. I haven't slept in 2 days because I can't seem to let this fall and die and let it rest. I have too much on my heart and too much to think about and pray about to sleep. I feel so close to God and I'm so happy about that. I just wish I could be there. My heart just really hurts and cries out and will continue to.

Is it necessary?

I think sometimes I forget that I really desire for my heart to be entirely hidden in Christ. Especially when it comes to building relationships and friendships; turn around points are key, necessary and absolutely possible. 

I'm starting to wonder if its necessary in the event of getting to know someone to tell them about your past, your heartaches, events that really hurt you, etc in order for them to get to know who are in the present and why you are that way. It opens up a whole new vulnerability to any kind of friendship you try and built. Sometimes it's easer to just let the past be the past and maybe bottle it up (not to go all Sara Bareilles on you).

I have a whole new group of friends/community and they have no idea my past and the events and situations that play into the person I am today. Which has made for some interesting relationships. I guess I suppose for being in relation and community of brothers and sisters of Christ, are those past experiences necessary to share?

I mean I understand the side of the coin that lets them get to know the side of me and why I chose to handle certain situations the way I do, but why not focus on the future and the present?

Not to say that I've ben around the river bend and back and all that jazz, we all just have certain life events or occurrences that have helped shape the people we are today. Besides the people that stood with us during those hard times..do we even ever utter a word to others?

On another note:

I usually can be really good about removing myself emotionally from situations when I know there can be a potentional problem - needless to say, that hasn't been the case lately. I am used to people bowing out early, not caring very much, not being sensitive to feelings or what have you, that I know what I need to do to make sure my heart is safe. 

I feel like I'm at this weird junction where I didn't understand my own emergency exit in bold bright letters resonating over my heard at the necessary time and somehow I can't detach and handle it in my normal capacity. Its like I've missed the last ship and the flood waters are coming in and I'm just trying my hardest to release these life events into the hands of God, but I've lost my sense of direction. I don't know which was is up, down, left, right or in between. His hands are big enough, now its just time for me to release my bags and see His grace and the God that reigns over all. REIGN IN ME.

You'll have to excuse me if certain things don't make sense. I'm writing this on a couple hours of sleep for a couple days.. 

Here I am

You don't fool me. 

You don't fool me with your persuading words.

You don't fool me with your compliments.

You don't fool me with your double life in secret. 

You don't fool me. 

I think you kind of know that though. 

What I need is someone that is going to call me out on my crap. 

(not stand there as I continue to make mistakes and lead a ridiculous life)

What I need is someone that is going to cherish the time they spend with me. 

(not walk out on me like I am a piece of garbage)

What I need is someone who is going to encourage me for the better.

(not encourage me to do the worst)

What I need is someone who is going to believe in me. 

(not laugh when I try my hardest)

What I need is someone who is going to cry with me when something scary or terrible happens.

(not have you be the reason I am crying)

What I need is someone to carry me above the storm

(not someone who is going to create a storm out of nothing)

You don't fool me and I don't need you.

I need my Lord. He is the perfect man for me right now. 

I come broken and needy. Carrying burdens of addiction, troubledness, worry, fear, trust issues -  too many bags for me to carry. My Father lifts them off my shoulders as I get on my knees and cry out in brokenness. 

Sometimes all you need to do is turn off your phone, take a shower, draw yourself away from the things that consume you daily, and open up your Bible to realized how long your Heavenly Father has been carrying you above the storm that has been brewing for too long. As you have been straying away, maybe even by simply not making daily time for Him and doing things that are uplifting to Him. 

I am on my knees, ready.

Here I am. 

"Take me In"

Take me past the outer courts 

Into the Holy Place

Past the brazen altar

Lord I want to see your face

Pass me by the crowds of people

And the Priests who sing your praise

I hunger and thirst for your righteousness

But it's only found in one place

Take me into the holy of holies

Take me in by the blood of the lamb

Take me into holy of holies

Take the coal, touch my lips, here I am

Am I growing up?

I do most of my thinking in the bathroom, mostly in the shower. I thought the need to preface that for this posting. I took a shower at 2:30 am, thats early! But I really needed to decompress about what happened this evening.

My heart got a little squished by a particular person and it hurts a bit. Though in the instance that it got squished and even now after it didn't bring me to the point of tears or wanting to act out..other than eating pizza..and I couldn't figure out why. That is in the past what I've usually resorted to, a good cry and or somehow acting out to make it better..even though that doesn't. Though this time, I haven't been interested in it one bit.

As I was in the shower, I realized that I keep hiding my heart more and more in Christ. I had stopped fully reacting to situations because I have been instantly give them to God. Every once in a while when I do react and do in turn be sad or upset about that something that happened I feel bad for not instantly confiding in God.

Is this a sign of growing up?

Several things have happened in the past month.
I got an a job offer in Kansas
I got an offer to go to China for a year
I got a couple offers to move in with friends here in Portland and in Idaho
I let go and let God

Instantly when I found out about these things, I didn't react, I just gave them to God. Most of my friends and family don't even know. Ya know, maybe it is a sign of growing up. I still don't know where He is going to take me, but He is testing me and I am willing to jump for Him.

My heart does hurt and I'm not even sure how to react or feel, besides a bit hurt, but I know that my God will be here for me and that He is holding me and has His arms of comfort around me.

Blessings to all.

Community in Christ is the Revival

"...refresh my heart in Christ." - Philemon 1:20

He has. He has been working in my heart and revived me. I am so excited for today and tomorrow and living in Him.
Thank you brothers and sisters.

Going and seeing my community in Christ really helped. Fellowship helps. I love it. I love Christ.

Hello to finishing the race well.

"For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time has come for my departure. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for the crown of righteousness, which the Lord the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day - and not only to to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing."
-2 Timothy 3:6-8