There is a fly...

There is a fly in my bedroom. You know how flies are attracted to the light? So, for the past couple of nights, the light has been my computer screen as I fall asleep to a movie. I've been so annoyed at this fly and trying not to be. I try not to be because over a month ago, I guarded my food from the flies that overwhelmingly swarmed it and I didn't care. I try not to be because after a while I didn't touch the flies that landed on my own body. I try not to be because I notice that I've let this culture effect me already.
That drives me crazy. I think I sit in my room more often now, because I'm fearful of the effects this culture will have on my being and my soul.
I miss the warmth of Central America, the people and the food (surprisingly), the lack of communication and lack of instant gratification, the miracles, the out of the comfort zone moments, the children yelling for worship, the old man who sings a song that God inspired him to sing every church service, the endless faith and love in everyone there - except the Christian haters that throw bottles of pee out a window at you.

I don't miss the smog.

Thats tough when thats the only thing I don't miss.

I find myself just hanging out with God, in my room, not coming out for hours or days, only to use the bathroom and get enough food. Not wanting to be effected by this culture and hoping that the warmth and loving care of Central America will have play a lasting role on my life.

Tonight I spent $6.00 on a slice of cheesecake...I hate that. Before I left I would have done that no questions asked, now I cringed when I walk into malls and think about how Forever 21 could feed Honduras.

I know that I will always be changed by this summer and the people I encountered and the water jars I left (see John 4 - story about a Samaritan woman), but I am sometimes so afraid that I will be poorly effected by this world and the people that inhabit it that sometimes I don't even leave the confines of my room. Thats been changing as of lately. I'm letting more people in, God is allowing me to.

And tonight this fly is bothering me less and less. I think I'll name it Lillian. Oh how I miss her.