2nd Devo- you're all special and I am so thankful for all of you

I got a special phone call to be here by Joel Tooley (a Youth in Mission rep) and Scott Armstrong. They called me because I am special, because I have a gift no one else can offer, even though I don’t speak much Spanish and even maybe have been frustrated since I’ve been here. I am special.

You’re all special. God called all of you to be in this moment and in the times ahead for a reason. Each and everyone of you in special.

He has called us all here to be the hands and feet of Him where ever we are needed. It’s not by our works, it’s by Christ.

Ephesians 2:8-9 says, “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast.”       

Right now you’re meant to be in this room in Puebla, tomorrow its where ever you’re going to be. Being the hands and feet of Him, He is using you. For me, even if I am frustrated sometimes I have to remember that this is in His plan for me. He prepared this place and time of ministry for me before I even knew Scott was going to call me. You’re all special and I am so thankful and blessed we can all unite and be the hands and feet together.

My prayer for all of us together and apart lies in Ephesians 4:1-6, “As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to one hope when you were called— one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.”      

Blessings to all!                                                                                                                

I wrote this for a mission conference (I am serving in Mexico for the summer):

Hello my name is Kaitlin Park. I’m from Portland Oregon in The United States of America. I want to start off by sharing with all of you about how I got to be in Mexico in the month of June, just a glimpse/peak of how my relationship with God is growing and what I had to do to get here.

I was so set on serving here in Mexico this summer and I thought it was exactly what God wanted me to do. I was so heart broken when I found out that I couldn’t go to Mexico because bad several things happened with my family and I didn’t have enough money to go for the summer. I have always felt a strong call to Latin America and my heart hurt because I couldn’t go and then I got really mad and angry and sad about not being able to do what I really felt God calling for my life. I wanted to go right then. At the time, I was and have been continuing to study John 15.

Read John 15:1-8

I really just needed to give Him the anger and sadness of not going to Mexico and prune the branches that were not bearing fruit in my life, because I wasn’t growing in God holding onto this frustration. And I finally let go and God gave me an unexplainable Christ like peace about not going to Mexico. I think maybe because I begun to demand to go and do things on my time, God had to remind me that sometimes you need to wait for His timing. I had a wonderful peace about not going to Mexico. Also, I had applied to work at a Christian Bible camp for the summer and didn’t think I was going to get hired and was upset about that too, but when I let it go God gave me peace about that too.

 

2 days later I got a call from Youth in Mission and Scott Armstrong telling me they needed me to be in Mexico for the summer and they would pay my way. I was shocked. At first I thought, WOW! THIS IS WHAT I’M GOING TO DO THIS SUMMER! But I wasn’t very sure and told them I need to pray about it and tell them the next morning. Then an hour later, I got a phone call from the Bible Camp asking me if I still wanted the summer job! I was so surprised. God was blessing me with something I DID NOT deserve. I didn’t understand but yet I was so thankful for what He was doing. At the same time, I still had a peace if I were to not go to either places and stay home for the summer. I prayed about it so much and I felt God saying to me that I should make the decision myself. Because I had given my entire self, all of my frustrations and struggles over to Him, He was telling me that any decision I made would be of Him and He would reign over me in everything I did. That He would be where ever I went, whether that be serving Bible Camp, in Mexico, serving at home in my church.

My friend Steve asked me the perfect question, where I was needed most? Hands down I knew it was Mexico. I knew that Scott Armstrong and Youth in Mission wouldn’t have called if didn’t absolutely need me. I realized that the attitude of my heart had changed from last summer serving in Youth in Mission in Guatemala to this summer. I realized I am more focused on having a servant’s heart this summer and not on how I can benefit and grow in my relationship with God. I continue to focus on this Philippians 2:1-18. I go where He calls and where I am needed. I am still being challenged and stretched in ways I would never have expected while being here and growing in my faith in wonderful ways but I’m so thankful that God has given me this summer. This time to serve Him, His people, to be His love. 

Cry of the heart

The cry of my heart is to be the hands and feet of Christ where ever and whenever possible. 

I've never felt my heart break this much within the confines of Christ. 

Almost a year ago, I followed a call God had given for my life. I went on a trip to Central America and lived for the summer, doing mission work, learning, living with God's people and being the hands and feet of Christ (especially for those that couldn't actually transport themselves down there). 

When I got back to the United States in the fall I missed my home, my home in Central America. Where part of my heart will always lie. I never wanted to leave the beautiful country and stop doing such in depth work with God and His so friendly people. So I made a deal with God -well more like, I knew what He wanted for me and I just needed to wait and have patience- to wait for a while before I went on another mission and work on my degree. Even though I so strongly desired to go on missions and be home.  

About 4 months ago I went to Mexico and followed the cry of my heart and my purpose in life. I again never wanted to leave because I could feel Christ so strongly calling me to that part of the country and to His people there. But I knew I would be back again, actually a little less than 5 months from that date in December. So I was at a peace because I knew I would be home again.

This is how I feel when I am living the cry of my heart and where I am suppose to be: 

Instead, they were longing for a better country—a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them.

Hebrews 11:16 

I feel the most at home. 

My heart is breaking, because of this swine flu. Not just because I'm not able to be there, but because I know I can't be there. My friends and my family, my heavenly country is in trouble and I can't help. I have to just pray. It's not that I haven't given it all to God and put it in His hands. I have. 

I have never felt such a strong call upon my heart from the Lord. I haven't slept in 2 days because I can't seem to let this fall and die and let it rest. I have too much on my heart and too much to think about and pray about to sleep. I feel so close to God and I'm so happy about that. I just wish I could be there. My heart just really hurts and cries out and will continue to.

Is it necessary?

I think sometimes I forget that I really desire for my heart to be entirely hidden in Christ. Especially when it comes to building relationships and friendships; turn around points are key, necessary and absolutely possible. 

I'm starting to wonder if its necessary in the event of getting to know someone to tell them about your past, your heartaches, events that really hurt you, etc in order for them to get to know who are in the present and why you are that way. It opens up a whole new vulnerability to any kind of friendship you try and built. Sometimes it's easer to just let the past be the past and maybe bottle it up (not to go all Sara Bareilles on you).

I have a whole new group of friends/community and they have no idea my past and the events and situations that play into the person I am today. Which has made for some interesting relationships. I guess I suppose for being in relation and community of brothers and sisters of Christ, are those past experiences necessary to share?

I mean I understand the side of the coin that lets them get to know the side of me and why I chose to handle certain situations the way I do, but why not focus on the future and the present?

Not to say that I've ben around the river bend and back and all that jazz, we all just have certain life events or occurrences that have helped shape the people we are today. Besides the people that stood with us during those hard times..do we even ever utter a word to others?

On another note:

I usually can be really good about removing myself emotionally from situations when I know there can be a potentional problem - needless to say, that hasn't been the case lately. I am used to people bowing out early, not caring very much, not being sensitive to feelings or what have you, that I know what I need to do to make sure my heart is safe. 

I feel like I'm at this weird junction where I didn't understand my own emergency exit in bold bright letters resonating over my heard at the necessary time and somehow I can't detach and handle it in my normal capacity. Its like I've missed the last ship and the flood waters are coming in and I'm just trying my hardest to release these life events into the hands of God, but I've lost my sense of direction. I don't know which was is up, down, left, right or in between. His hands are big enough, now its just time for me to release my bags and see His grace and the God that reigns over all. REIGN IN ME.

You'll have to excuse me if certain things don't make sense. I'm writing this on a couple hours of sleep for a couple days.. 

Here I am

You don't fool me. 

You don't fool me with your persuading words.

You don't fool me with your compliments.

You don't fool me with your double life in secret. 

You don't fool me. 

I think you kind of know that though. 

What I need is someone that is going to call me out on my crap. 

(not stand there as I continue to make mistakes and lead a ridiculous life)

What I need is someone that is going to cherish the time they spend with me. 

(not walk out on me like I am a piece of garbage)

What I need is someone who is going to encourage me for the better.

(not encourage me to do the worst)

What I need is someone who is going to believe in me. 

(not laugh when I try my hardest)

What I need is someone who is going to cry with me when something scary or terrible happens.

(not have you be the reason I am crying)

What I need is someone to carry me above the storm

(not someone who is going to create a storm out of nothing)

You don't fool me and I don't need you.

I need my Lord. He is the perfect man for me right now. 

I come broken and needy. Carrying burdens of addiction, troubledness, worry, fear, trust issues -  too many bags for me to carry. My Father lifts them off my shoulders as I get on my knees and cry out in brokenness. 

Sometimes all you need to do is turn off your phone, take a shower, draw yourself away from the things that consume you daily, and open up your Bible to realized how long your Heavenly Father has been carrying you above the storm that has been brewing for too long. As you have been straying away, maybe even by simply not making daily time for Him and doing things that are uplifting to Him. 

I am on my knees, ready.

Here I am. 

"Take me In"

Take me past the outer courts 

Into the Holy Place

Past the brazen altar

Lord I want to see your face

Pass me by the crowds of people

And the Priests who sing your praise

I hunger and thirst for your righteousness

But it's only found in one place

Take me into the holy of holies

Take me in by the blood of the lamb

Take me into holy of holies

Take the coal, touch my lips, here I am

Am I growing up?

I do most of my thinking in the bathroom, mostly in the shower. I thought the need to preface that for this posting. I took a shower at 2:30 am, thats early! But I really needed to decompress about what happened this evening.

My heart got a little squished by a particular person and it hurts a bit. Though in the instance that it got squished and even now after it didn't bring me to the point of tears or wanting to act out..other than eating pizza..and I couldn't figure out why. That is in the past what I've usually resorted to, a good cry and or somehow acting out to make it better..even though that doesn't. Though this time, I haven't been interested in it one bit.

As I was in the shower, I realized that I keep hiding my heart more and more in Christ. I had stopped fully reacting to situations because I have been instantly give them to God. Every once in a while when I do react and do in turn be sad or upset about that something that happened I feel bad for not instantly confiding in God.

Is this a sign of growing up?

Several things have happened in the past month.
I got an a job offer in Kansas
I got an offer to go to China for a year
I got a couple offers to move in with friends here in Portland and in Idaho
I let go and let God

Instantly when I found out about these things, I didn't react, I just gave them to God. Most of my friends and family don't even know. Ya know, maybe it is a sign of growing up. I still don't know where He is going to take me, but He is testing me and I am willing to jump for Him.

My heart does hurt and I'm not even sure how to react or feel, besides a bit hurt, but I know that my God will be here for me and that He is holding me and has His arms of comfort around me.

Blessings to all.

Community in Christ is the Revival

"...refresh my heart in Christ." - Philemon 1:20

He has. He has been working in my heart and revived me. I am so excited for today and tomorrow and living in Him.
Thank you brothers and sisters.

Going and seeing my community in Christ really helped. Fellowship helps. I love it. I love Christ.

Hello to finishing the race well.

"For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time has come for my departure. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for the crown of righteousness, which the Lord the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day - and not only to to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing."
-2 Timothy 3:6-8

Let my lifesong sing to you

Life isn't always perfect. Disappointments occur. Things don't always go the way we want.

Maybe thats the point when you have to pray that your heart is where God's is. Seeking everything about Him.

I spoke with my good friend this evening on the telephone for a very long time about everything I've been struggling with and she allowed me to remember the small things that are good and what to pray for. I like that.
"I always thank my God as I remember you in my prayers, because I hear about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints. I pray that you may be active in sharing your faith, so that you will have a full understanding of every good thing we have in Christ. Your love has given me great job and encouragement, because you, brother, have refreshed the hearts of the saints. " - Philemon 1:4-7

As of late I don't feel challenged in life.

I kind of think I've been expecting too much out of my life in Portland. It's never going to be these other places I've fallen in love with and I keep forgetting that. Friends here won't know me in the same ways the ones do in Kansas or Nampa or Texas or Mexico or Tennessee...
They don't know the ways that God has transformed my heart and worked in my life and made me better in Him. I wish they did. But I like the changed me.

I wish some things were different, I wish that we all meshed like we used to and hadn't grown apart like they have, but I like the person God is transforming me into. I want to be the woman that God calls. I won't give that up for anything. Even if I'm lonely, I'm not I have Jesus.

I want to yearn and not let the worldly desires cast in my heart. I want community. I hope these are the things Christ desires for me, if not, He will cast them aside.
I'm realizing more and more that my life is God's will, everything in it (I'm still figuring out what that means). I'm always thankful.
I'm continually realizing that God's will isn't always practical and I just have to get used to it, because this is a life long commitment I've made.
"...refresh my heart in Christ." - Philemon 1:20

Love

It's surprising how your heart seems to grow bigger and bigger with each passing day.

I have the best friends, the best family, and the best God.

My heart grows bigger and bigger each day for these people and my God. I thirst for Him.
My heart breaks for them
laughs for them and with them
rejoices with them
loves them.

My heart is so full of love and thankfulness.

And I'm so incredibly homesick for Namps. I'm seeking direction and what God calls for me to do and trying not to confuse my wants in there too.

Prayers, anyone?

Little Mistakes

All it takes is one little mistake to create a big one. 

I have broken free of a pesky bad habit and for 6 months have been free. Though for some of us, all it takes is one party, sip, puff, tap, poke or even breath to break our strong hold. Why I wonder. I don't want those pesky bad habits to define myself. 

A month or so ago, I watched a Nooma video (Nooma is a devotional video series that Rob Bell had made - check it) about defining yourself and accepting yourself for who you are. 

For the longest time I have been avoiding looking at myself up close. I don't mean in the mirror but in my soul, my beliefs, my loves, what defines me. And actually answer for myself, Who am I?

I don't think I can avoid this question much longer.

I am...

A believer

One who will stand for Christ always

A brunette

tall

amazed by God everyday

thankful

caring

loving

sometimes crazy

sometimes scared of what the future holds

excited

striving to have my heart hidden in Christ

(i'm still working on it)

I am not...

Who the devil wants me to be

And as long as Christ has a hold of my soul I never will be. This will be forever. 

This blog is for me than anything else and God...

Stand tall

You can do it. I can do it. Don't be scared of what the world has or how it mocks. It mocked back in Jesus' day and it will until the judgement day.

Instead stand tall and say I can do it and I wont let you get to me, because I have Jesus, whether it be a test, a mocking family member, a best friend, a lover, a teacher, whoever. Be able to stand strong and say Jesus died for me and He calls me to something bigger than I could ever imagine for myself, He is my rock and you can't shake me.

Be strong and be the woman or man of God I know you can be.

All I know is that these are not my words, they are His - I felt compelled to write this.

I know its been a very long time since I've talked to some of you and only hours since I've talked to others of you, but I needed you all to know this. That you can stand strong in Christ and I pray always that you will be doing what God wants you to. And even be able to smile with Christ's love gleaming in your eyes and say to that mocking face, its not for you, its for Him. For Him be the glory.

Dear Guatemala Family,
I miss you very much each and everyday. You all linger in me in some way or another and the fun and wonderous experiences I shared with you. I really had one person in mind when I wrote this. But I really think that no matter where you are at in your walk of life you can remember that you can do it, that God will never stop loving you, even if you dye your hair green and get feather implants to look like a bird.
I love you all and just need you to know that you shouldn't wait, don't take time for granted and be thankful. I am so incredibly thankful that God placed each one of you in my lives.
Remember as cheesy as it sounds, you can do it. Don't let anyone get to you.

Love you all.

Can I just say I listened to Lose Yourself by Eminem before I wrote this. It's a pretty good song.

Be Thankful

Everyday I am so very thankful for this life my Lord has blessed me with.

Within the past year so much has happened. I've gone from having a serious boyfriend and going to NNU and so much more to being in Portland and feeling that every day I have a new challenge and I'm exactly where He wants me. Many heart breaking and wonderous things have occurred in the past year, from birth to death, from love to friendship mending. I have been blessed.

I wouldn't have been able to survive this past year if it hadn't been for my Heavenly Father and honestly getting down on my knees and praying and crying out for forgiveness and later crying out in joy.

God hasn't been my only support system. My parents and friends.

But everyday, no matter what my parents do, I can pretend that I'm mad at them like I tried to do with my mom today but I'm just so incrediably thankful that it doesn't last long. I can tell my dad that what he did was rude and only to apologize minutes later because it's not what my heart truly seeps. It seeps love and utter thankfulness.



I wake up everyday and thank the Lord for the life He has given me and pray that He will allow me to glorify Him in any and every way possible and be the woman of Christ He has called for me. I never feel like its enough, that I'm never worthy for this wonderful life He has blessed me with.



Everyday I tell my parents I love them. Because what if it was their last, I remind them how thankful I am of their presence in my life. And everyday I thank my Lord. I don't know what I'd do without them. They are my support system and my life.

I am so thankful.

Thank you Heavenly Father. Amen.

Candy corn and best month!

I sometimes think in terms of Facebook updates...this is when you know that Facebook is controlling you. I quit.

But...

Today I think I had the healthiest of all days:

Peanut Butter and Peach Jam sandwich

Half of Tuna for lunch

Almost an entire bag of candy corn during History...could have made me sick

Banana (like everyday)

Sparkling Juice

Sweet Salmon goodness

Hot Chocolate

Chicken pot pie

Peanut butter cookie

Oreos

Chocolate

AND NOW: 3 string cheeses...I think I might have bad dreams because of them..

Can I just say that two things have made this month wonderful. 

1. I got to see my missionaries from Guatemala, gift from God, I needed it.

2. New music. Love.

What else can top those?

Great history test grade? ha!

Living Sacrifices

"Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God - this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is -- His good, pleasing and perfect will.

For by the grace given I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God have given you. Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we who are many form one body and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man's gift is prophesying let him use it in proportion to his faith If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully.

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality. 

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited. 

Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord. On the contrary:

'If your enemy is hungry, feed him;

if he is thirsty, give him

something to drink.

In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.'

Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. "

- Romans 12

This chapter in Romans has been present on my heart and different people keep giving it to me to read or there God places me in church services where it is brought up. I can't ignore it any longer. Ignore that it's for me. Poured out like a drink offering, this is my calling. 

I also have a few more verses to share. 

"So do not be ashamed to testify about our Lord, or ashamed of me his prisoner. But join with me in suffering for the gospel, by the power of God, who has saved us and called us to a holy life -- not because of anything we have done but because of His own purpose and grace....That is why I am suffering as I am. Yet I am not ashamed, because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that He is able to guard what I have entrusted to Him for that day. "

- 2 Timothy 8-9 and 12

"If we are faithless, He will remain faithful, for He cannot disown Himself." 

- 2 Timothy 2:13

"Those who know your name will trust in your for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you." 

-- Psalm 9:10

What are we waiting for?

What are we waiting for? Every day, hour, minute, and even second counts. Why waste our time on something we don’t enjoy? Are you really where God wants you to be? Or are you just going through the motions and doing what you think is right or what you’ve formed your call into, the convenient way.
Quite a bit has been going through my head lately. Every Friday night when Sam and I get out of The Way, I always unload never-ending thoughts that have been prancing around in my mind. Some that have not entirely formed themselves and others just bursting from the seams, everything from theology to if I am where I should be. That’s my biggest question as of lately, the question I can’t help but wonder.
Suppose I should jump back a bit. Before I left Central America, I found myself in this place that I wish was my home and doing things I was so uncomfortable with at times, but I loved. I thought that maybe I didn’t want to go back to school right away and maybe I wanted to do mission work, more like I felt it was right. Even though I was scared of what my parents would think, I knew if God wanted to happen He would make it possible. He has actually made a lot of things possible since I have returned home, made me different and new, still always always improving. Anyways, once I got home, everything changed. I found out I didn’t have the money to go back to school for the semester and my dreams of taking a semester off were splashed against the walls at my parents request to take classes at a community college and stay home. I wasn’t really worried about staying home, but it just didn’t feel right. I was scared to fall back into past temptations that Portland has held for me and I had my heart set on something so entirely different. For some reason, to my surprise, after begging and pleading that the Lord have another plan, He put me in what I thought to be the Lions Den: Portland. He has kept me safe, out of harms way – particular friendships that needed the care were cared for and ones that needed to be let go, were let go. He created a new life for me, out of my comfort zone, but new.
As new as I thought it was it still has had a zing of comfort ability to it, because I haven’t been giving the Lord my all, to be honest, because I’m terrified. I know that His plan is so much greater and bigger than I could have ever imagined for myself, I’m just scared. I know I’m always going to be inadequate, and that He will reign over all.
God is messing up my plan for my life, what I have made His call for me to be, and I’m scared. But what am I waiting for?

And then it takes a turn...

Then my cabin fever turns into wanting to make a difference and give someone a better tomorrow. All because of this email I got from my dad.

Before I share that I should tell you that my family has been looking for charitible organizations to donate money to this Christmas. As a family we aren't participating in the traditional Christmas, we're instead donating all the money we would have spent on one another to charities.
For instance, I worked with a ministry this summer called Gotitas de Amor (Droplets of Love), that deals with children that have grown up in a tough neighborhood, many of them had seen their parents or loved ones die from gang violence. This summer I had the wonderful opportunity to work with these children, I wish I could go back and do it again, right now! We also taught literacy workshops to the women in the community. Anyways, this is one of the ministries/charities my family will be donating to this Christmas.
I'm excited. I loved working with those kids, since I can't be there right now, this has to be the next best thing. I don't need a new camera or a pair of slippers. Lately I have been feeling terrible for spending any money at all.
For instance...(I know I'm going off...just go with it) last weekend, I bought a really neat pair of earrings from this really neat lady in Sisters, OR and I later felt terrible for it. Felt like I had to repent. I ended up giving the earrings to a friend as a birthday present but still, unless its food that the money is going towards (we have no kitchen right now) I have the hardest time.
It all might have a little bit to do with my summer...feeling like I bought all I ever needed to there. And this book I am reading...a lot to do with this book, The Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne (check it out!).
Back to this email I got from my dad...its really neat. The organization helps with entrepreneurs, "helps you work with the poor". I don't have the words to describe it right now...hmm check it out: http://www.kiva.org/app.php?page=home
I get into these moods a lot of the time. I think they're the best moods to be in, it's my passionate mood. I want to help, I yearn for it.

Let me end on a little less of a scattered brain note. When I was at The Way (Solid Rock Fellowship Church) last night, John Mark said we are excepted therefore we do. God excepts us, He loves us, therefore we do everything with a passion and a yearning to do it. We don't have to earn His love through good deeds. He excepts us. He died on the cross for us. We are so very unworthy, yet He excepts and loves us! God is just so wonderful! :-)

Cabin fever

All of today I have had cabin fever...and I've even been out. Though, thats not what my post is about. This just makes me laugh and I felt it was blog worthy.

Can I get your number?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DW--7ZmXrXo

Divine paths

I am continually amazed by these divine paths God has chosen for each and everyone of us. I think of how sad God must get when we are like, “Umm…God what about this guy he is better at it? ” When all God wants is for us is to follow Him.

I was watching this Nooma (which is a devotional type video by Rob Bell, they’re a favorite) about how we may be very concerned about what other people think of us. I’m ready for it to tell me that I don’t need to be concerned with other people because they aren’t the ones that matter but it went deeper than that. Touching an area I really needed to hear.
This Nooma talked about owning who you are and your name. Rob Bell then proceeded to tell a story about Jacob. Jacob was wrestling with an angel (or a man), the scripture isn’t specific and when the angel saw that he could not overpower Jacob he touched the socket of Jacob’s hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the angel. At that point the angel said, “Let me go, for it is daybreak.” And Jacob said, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.” Then the angel said, “What is your name?”
You see, in Biblical times, your name was your identity, it was rooted down to the very fiber of your being.
“Jacob”, said Jacob.

That took guts.

I want to own my name and not be ashamed of anything in my life. I think that also comes down to daily striving to live the life Christ has called me to as well. It doesn’t really come down to other people, it comes down to owning my name, my identity, the good and the bad. All with the help of God.

There is a fly...

There is a fly in my bedroom. You know how flies are attracted to the light? So, for the past couple of nights, the light has been my computer screen as I fall asleep to a movie. I've been so annoyed at this fly and trying not to be. I try not to be because over a month ago, I guarded my food from the flies that overwhelmingly swarmed it and I didn't care. I try not to be because after a while I didn't touch the flies that landed on my own body. I try not to be because I notice that I've let this culture effect me already.
That drives me crazy. I think I sit in my room more often now, because I'm fearful of the effects this culture will have on my being and my soul.
I miss the warmth of Central America, the people and the food (surprisingly), the lack of communication and lack of instant gratification, the miracles, the out of the comfort zone moments, the children yelling for worship, the old man who sings a song that God inspired him to sing every church service, the endless faith and love in everyone there - except the Christian haters that throw bottles of pee out a window at you.

I don't miss the smog.

Thats tough when thats the only thing I don't miss.

I find myself just hanging out with God, in my room, not coming out for hours or days, only to use the bathroom and get enough food. Not wanting to be effected by this culture and hoping that the warmth and loving care of Central America will have play a lasting role on my life.

Tonight I spent $6.00 on a slice of cheesecake...I hate that. Before I left I would have done that no questions asked, now I cringed when I walk into malls and think about how Forever 21 could feed Honduras.

I know that I will always be changed by this summer and the people I encountered and the water jars I left (see John 4 - story about a Samaritan woman), but I am sometimes so afraid that I will be poorly effected by this world and the people that inhabit it that sometimes I don't even leave the confines of my room. Thats been changing as of lately. I'm letting more people in, God is allowing me to.

And tonight this fly is bothering me less and less. I think I'll name it Lillian. Oh how I miss her.

Light film

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0DeoHoizadE&feature=related

check it