What's better to live knowing that the one you love has stopped loving you? Or to know that he died and hopefully his love for you keeps living? I struggle with this question daily. My biggest struggle in my life right now is letting go of love. Learning how to let go. Let go of not being in control of what I think is God's plan for my life.
After watching several apon several movies regarding love (though what movies these days don't have even a hint of love in them?), crying histaricly (I've never been the crier during movies, not even Titantic!!) and wishing he would just realize what he has lost, and the whole situation would cease to exist.
I am tired of telling people about it. It's time for me to get up move on. Turn off the movies...but I do love this one...quit crying on my cousins couch and move on. Pick up my life and make something great and do what God desires. It's the only thing that's been holding me back for two and a half months.
I'm getting up, going, becoming something that God desires. Not being afraid.
Now I need the courage and strength, pray that I can do it. I need your prayers. I haven't cried in weeks and to myself typing this I sound sad and pathetic though you know it's great for realizations and definitely just a larger and more in depth reflection of my prayer request at communitas tonight.
Thank you for the great community. Thank you Lord for life.
Time to grasp it.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
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