And then it takes a turn...

Then my cabin fever turns into wanting to make a difference and give someone a better tomorrow. All because of this email I got from my dad.

Before I share that I should tell you that my family has been looking for charitible organizations to donate money to this Christmas. As a family we aren't participating in the traditional Christmas, we're instead donating all the money we would have spent on one another to charities.
For instance, I worked with a ministry this summer called Gotitas de Amor (Droplets of Love), that deals with children that have grown up in a tough neighborhood, many of them had seen their parents or loved ones die from gang violence. This summer I had the wonderful opportunity to work with these children, I wish I could go back and do it again, right now! We also taught literacy workshops to the women in the community. Anyways, this is one of the ministries/charities my family will be donating to this Christmas.
I'm excited. I loved working with those kids, since I can't be there right now, this has to be the next best thing. I don't need a new camera or a pair of slippers. Lately I have been feeling terrible for spending any money at all.
For instance...(I know I'm going off...just go with it) last weekend, I bought a really neat pair of earrings from this really neat lady in Sisters, OR and I later felt terrible for it. Felt like I had to repent. I ended up giving the earrings to a friend as a birthday present but still, unless its food that the money is going towards (we have no kitchen right now) I have the hardest time.
It all might have a little bit to do with my summer...feeling like I bought all I ever needed to there. And this book I am reading...a lot to do with this book, The Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne (check it out!).
Back to this email I got from my dad...its really neat. The organization helps with entrepreneurs, "helps you work with the poor". I don't have the words to describe it right now...hmm check it out: http://www.kiva.org/app.php?page=home
I get into these moods a lot of the time. I think they're the best moods to be in, it's my passionate mood. I want to help, I yearn for it.

Let me end on a little less of a scattered brain note. When I was at The Way (Solid Rock Fellowship Church) last night, John Mark said we are excepted therefore we do. God excepts us, He loves us, therefore we do everything with a passion and a yearning to do it. We don't have to earn His love through good deeds. He excepts us. He died on the cross for us. We are so very unworthy, yet He excepts and loves us! God is just so wonderful! :-)

Cabin fever

All of today I have had cabin fever...and I've even been out. Though, thats not what my post is about. This just makes me laugh and I felt it was blog worthy.

Can I get your number?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DW--7ZmXrXo

Divine paths

I am continually amazed by these divine paths God has chosen for each and everyone of us. I think of how sad God must get when we are like, “Umm…God what about this guy he is better at it? ” When all God wants is for us is to follow Him.

I was watching this Nooma (which is a devotional type video by Rob Bell, they’re a favorite) about how we may be very concerned about what other people think of us. I’m ready for it to tell me that I don’t need to be concerned with other people because they aren’t the ones that matter but it went deeper than that. Touching an area I really needed to hear.
This Nooma talked about owning who you are and your name. Rob Bell then proceeded to tell a story about Jacob. Jacob was wrestling with an angel (or a man), the scripture isn’t specific and when the angel saw that he could not overpower Jacob he touched the socket of Jacob’s hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the angel. At that point the angel said, “Let me go, for it is daybreak.” And Jacob said, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.” Then the angel said, “What is your name?”
You see, in Biblical times, your name was your identity, it was rooted down to the very fiber of your being.
“Jacob”, said Jacob.

That took guts.

I want to own my name and not be ashamed of anything in my life. I think that also comes down to daily striving to live the life Christ has called me to as well. It doesn’t really come down to other people, it comes down to owning my name, my identity, the good and the bad. All with the help of God.

There is a fly...

There is a fly in my bedroom. You know how flies are attracted to the light? So, for the past couple of nights, the light has been my computer screen as I fall asleep to a movie. I've been so annoyed at this fly and trying not to be. I try not to be because over a month ago, I guarded my food from the flies that overwhelmingly swarmed it and I didn't care. I try not to be because after a while I didn't touch the flies that landed on my own body. I try not to be because I notice that I've let this culture effect me already.
That drives me crazy. I think I sit in my room more often now, because I'm fearful of the effects this culture will have on my being and my soul.
I miss the warmth of Central America, the people and the food (surprisingly), the lack of communication and lack of instant gratification, the miracles, the out of the comfort zone moments, the children yelling for worship, the old man who sings a song that God inspired him to sing every church service, the endless faith and love in everyone there - except the Christian haters that throw bottles of pee out a window at you.

I don't miss the smog.

Thats tough when thats the only thing I don't miss.

I find myself just hanging out with God, in my room, not coming out for hours or days, only to use the bathroom and get enough food. Not wanting to be effected by this culture and hoping that the warmth and loving care of Central America will have play a lasting role on my life.

Tonight I spent $6.00 on a slice of cheesecake...I hate that. Before I left I would have done that no questions asked, now I cringed when I walk into malls and think about how Forever 21 could feed Honduras.

I know that I will always be changed by this summer and the people I encountered and the water jars I left (see John 4 - story about a Samaritan woman), but I am sometimes so afraid that I will be poorly effected by this world and the people that inhabit it that sometimes I don't even leave the confines of my room. Thats been changing as of lately. I'm letting more people in, God is allowing me to.

And tonight this fly is bothering me less and less. I think I'll name it Lillian. Oh how I miss her.

Light film

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0DeoHoizadE&feature=related

check it

books

The Beautiful Mess: Practicing the Presence of the Kingdom of God by Rick McKinley
Searching for God Knows What by Donald Miller
The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning
The Irristible Revolution by Shane Claiborne
Jesus for President: Politics for Ordinary Radicals by Shane Claiborne
Under the Overpass by Mike Yankoski
The Shack by William P. Young