Love

It's surprising how your heart seems to grow bigger and bigger with each passing day.

I have the best friends, the best family, and the best God.

My heart grows bigger and bigger each day for these people and my God. I thirst for Him.
My heart breaks for them
laughs for them and with them
rejoices with them
loves them.

My heart is so full of love and thankfulness.

And I'm so incredibly homesick for Namps. I'm seeking direction and what God calls for me to do and trying not to confuse my wants in there too.

Prayers, anyone?

Little Mistakes

All it takes is one little mistake to create a big one. 

I have broken free of a pesky bad habit and for 6 months have been free. Though for some of us, all it takes is one party, sip, puff, tap, poke or even breath to break our strong hold. Why I wonder. I don't want those pesky bad habits to define myself. 

A month or so ago, I watched a Nooma video (Nooma is a devotional video series that Rob Bell had made - check it) about defining yourself and accepting yourself for who you are. 

For the longest time I have been avoiding looking at myself up close. I don't mean in the mirror but in my soul, my beliefs, my loves, what defines me. And actually answer for myself, Who am I?

I don't think I can avoid this question much longer.

I am...

A believer

One who will stand for Christ always

A brunette

tall

amazed by God everyday

thankful

caring

loving

sometimes crazy

sometimes scared of what the future holds

excited

striving to have my heart hidden in Christ

(i'm still working on it)

I am not...

Who the devil wants me to be

And as long as Christ has a hold of my soul I never will be. This will be forever. 

This blog is for me than anything else and God...

Stand tall

You can do it. I can do it. Don't be scared of what the world has or how it mocks. It mocked back in Jesus' day and it will until the judgement day.

Instead stand tall and say I can do it and I wont let you get to me, because I have Jesus, whether it be a test, a mocking family member, a best friend, a lover, a teacher, whoever. Be able to stand strong and say Jesus died for me and He calls me to something bigger than I could ever imagine for myself, He is my rock and you can't shake me.

Be strong and be the woman or man of God I know you can be.

All I know is that these are not my words, they are His - I felt compelled to write this.

I know its been a very long time since I've talked to some of you and only hours since I've talked to others of you, but I needed you all to know this. That you can stand strong in Christ and I pray always that you will be doing what God wants you to. And even be able to smile with Christ's love gleaming in your eyes and say to that mocking face, its not for you, its for Him. For Him be the glory.

Dear Guatemala Family,
I miss you very much each and everyday. You all linger in me in some way or another and the fun and wonderous experiences I shared with you. I really had one person in mind when I wrote this. But I really think that no matter where you are at in your walk of life you can remember that you can do it, that God will never stop loving you, even if you dye your hair green and get feather implants to look like a bird.
I love you all and just need you to know that you shouldn't wait, don't take time for granted and be thankful. I am so incredibly thankful that God placed each one of you in my lives.
Remember as cheesy as it sounds, you can do it. Don't let anyone get to you.

Love you all.

Can I just say I listened to Lose Yourself by Eminem before I wrote this. It's a pretty good song.

Be Thankful

Everyday I am so very thankful for this life my Lord has blessed me with.

Within the past year so much has happened. I've gone from having a serious boyfriend and going to NNU and so much more to being in Portland and feeling that every day I have a new challenge and I'm exactly where He wants me. Many heart breaking and wonderous things have occurred in the past year, from birth to death, from love to friendship mending. I have been blessed.

I wouldn't have been able to survive this past year if it hadn't been for my Heavenly Father and honestly getting down on my knees and praying and crying out for forgiveness and later crying out in joy.

God hasn't been my only support system. My parents and friends.

But everyday, no matter what my parents do, I can pretend that I'm mad at them like I tried to do with my mom today but I'm just so incrediably thankful that it doesn't last long. I can tell my dad that what he did was rude and only to apologize minutes later because it's not what my heart truly seeps. It seeps love and utter thankfulness.



I wake up everyday and thank the Lord for the life He has given me and pray that He will allow me to glorify Him in any and every way possible and be the woman of Christ He has called for me. I never feel like its enough, that I'm never worthy for this wonderful life He has blessed me with.



Everyday I tell my parents I love them. Because what if it was their last, I remind them how thankful I am of their presence in my life. And everyday I thank my Lord. I don't know what I'd do without them. They are my support system and my life.

I am so thankful.

Thank you Heavenly Father. Amen.

Candy corn and best month!

I sometimes think in terms of Facebook updates...this is when you know that Facebook is controlling you. I quit.

But...

Today I think I had the healthiest of all days:

Peanut Butter and Peach Jam sandwich

Half of Tuna for lunch

Almost an entire bag of candy corn during History...could have made me sick

Banana (like everyday)

Sparkling Juice

Sweet Salmon goodness

Hot Chocolate

Chicken pot pie

Peanut butter cookie

Oreos

Chocolate

AND NOW: 3 string cheeses...I think I might have bad dreams because of them..

Can I just say that two things have made this month wonderful. 

1. I got to see my missionaries from Guatemala, gift from God, I needed it.

2. New music. Love.

What else can top those?

Great history test grade? ha!

Living Sacrifices

"Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God - this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is -- His good, pleasing and perfect will.

For by the grace given I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God have given you. Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we who are many form one body and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man's gift is prophesying let him use it in proportion to his faith If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully.

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality. 

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited. 

Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord. On the contrary:

'If your enemy is hungry, feed him;

if he is thirsty, give him

something to drink.

In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.'

Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. "

- Romans 12

This chapter in Romans has been present on my heart and different people keep giving it to me to read or there God places me in church services where it is brought up. I can't ignore it any longer. Ignore that it's for me. Poured out like a drink offering, this is my calling. 

I also have a few more verses to share. 

"So do not be ashamed to testify about our Lord, or ashamed of me his prisoner. But join with me in suffering for the gospel, by the power of God, who has saved us and called us to a holy life -- not because of anything we have done but because of His own purpose and grace....That is why I am suffering as I am. Yet I am not ashamed, because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that He is able to guard what I have entrusted to Him for that day. "

- 2 Timothy 8-9 and 12

"If we are faithless, He will remain faithful, for He cannot disown Himself." 

- 2 Timothy 2:13

"Those who know your name will trust in your for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you." 

-- Psalm 9:10

What are we waiting for?

What are we waiting for? Every day, hour, minute, and even second counts. Why waste our time on something we don’t enjoy? Are you really where God wants you to be? Or are you just going through the motions and doing what you think is right or what you’ve formed your call into, the convenient way.
Quite a bit has been going through my head lately. Every Friday night when Sam and I get out of The Way, I always unload never-ending thoughts that have been prancing around in my mind. Some that have not entirely formed themselves and others just bursting from the seams, everything from theology to if I am where I should be. That’s my biggest question as of lately, the question I can’t help but wonder.
Suppose I should jump back a bit. Before I left Central America, I found myself in this place that I wish was my home and doing things I was so uncomfortable with at times, but I loved. I thought that maybe I didn’t want to go back to school right away and maybe I wanted to do mission work, more like I felt it was right. Even though I was scared of what my parents would think, I knew if God wanted to happen He would make it possible. He has actually made a lot of things possible since I have returned home, made me different and new, still always always improving. Anyways, once I got home, everything changed. I found out I didn’t have the money to go back to school for the semester and my dreams of taking a semester off were splashed against the walls at my parents request to take classes at a community college and stay home. I wasn’t really worried about staying home, but it just didn’t feel right. I was scared to fall back into past temptations that Portland has held for me and I had my heart set on something so entirely different. For some reason, to my surprise, after begging and pleading that the Lord have another plan, He put me in what I thought to be the Lions Den: Portland. He has kept me safe, out of harms way – particular friendships that needed the care were cared for and ones that needed to be let go, were let go. He created a new life for me, out of my comfort zone, but new.
As new as I thought it was it still has had a zing of comfort ability to it, because I haven’t been giving the Lord my all, to be honest, because I’m terrified. I know that His plan is so much greater and bigger than I could have ever imagined for myself, I’m just scared. I know I’m always going to be inadequate, and that He will reign over all.
God is messing up my plan for my life, what I have made His call for me to be, and I’m scared. But what am I waiting for?