Cry of the heart

The cry of my heart is to be the hands and feet of Christ where ever and whenever possible. 

I've never felt my heart break this much within the confines of Christ. 

Almost a year ago, I followed a call God had given for my life. I went on a trip to Central America and lived for the summer, doing mission work, learning, living with God's people and being the hands and feet of Christ (especially for those that couldn't actually transport themselves down there). 

When I got back to the United States in the fall I missed my home, my home in Central America. Where part of my heart will always lie. I never wanted to leave the beautiful country and stop doing such in depth work with God and His so friendly people. So I made a deal with God -well more like, I knew what He wanted for me and I just needed to wait and have patience- to wait for a while before I went on another mission and work on my degree. Even though I so strongly desired to go on missions and be home.  

About 4 months ago I went to Mexico and followed the cry of my heart and my purpose in life. I again never wanted to leave because I could feel Christ so strongly calling me to that part of the country and to His people there. But I knew I would be back again, actually a little less than 5 months from that date in December. So I was at a peace because I knew I would be home again.

This is how I feel when I am living the cry of my heart and where I am suppose to be: 

Instead, they were longing for a better country—a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them.

Hebrews 11:16 

I feel the most at home. 

My heart is breaking, because of this swine flu. Not just because I'm not able to be there, but because I know I can't be there. My friends and my family, my heavenly country is in trouble and I can't help. I have to just pray. It's not that I haven't given it all to God and put it in His hands. I have. 

I have never felt such a strong call upon my heart from the Lord. I haven't slept in 2 days because I can't seem to let this fall and die and let it rest. I have too much on my heart and too much to think about and pray about to sleep. I feel so close to God and I'm so happy about that. I just wish I could be there. My heart just really hurts and cries out and will continue to.